I'll Stand By You
by Timetodance0110
Summary: Brendan and Ste have been in a relationship for a couple of weeks now, and things are finally going really well for them. But Brendan's past is haunting him, and he can't keep his secrets to himself any longer.
1. Chapter 1

Brendan and Ste have been in a relationship for a couple of weeks now, and things are actually going well. Ever since Ste came to Dublin, and they told each other 'I love you' on that bridge, Brendan has felt much happier. He loves Ste so much, that it hurts, that he just cannot live without him, even though he still believes that the younger man would be better off without him. But every single day, Ste tells him that he wouldn't be better off without him, that it would only hurt him, and Brendan thinks that maybe one day he will start believing it.

He is now looking at Leah and Lucas, who are sitting in the living room, playing with their toys, pretending they're in another world. They seem so carefree, so happy. They still have their childhood, and Brendan hates to admit it, but he is jealous of them. He just looks at them, tears forming in his eyes, memories from his childhood flashing in his mind. Memories of the things that Seamus did to him. Things that made him grow up, lose his childhood.

"What's wrong?" Ste asks, when he sees Brendan standing there, looking at the kids, almost crying. Brendan just shakes his head, and Ste sighs. "Come on, kids, you want to go see auntie Leanne again?"

"No," Leah says, and Ste can't help but smile.

"Well, you're still going," he says, and Leah pouts, but gets up and grabs her coat anyway. Ste helps putting Lucas' coat on, and he then looks at Brendan. "I'll be right back," he says, and he leaves, taking the kids with him. Brendan sits down at the kitchen table, and he puts his head in his hands, still fighting his tears. Ever since his father came back into his life, the memories have gotten worse, and he keeps thinking about what has happened. The first time his father touched him, when the abuse started, he didn't understand, but he felt guilty. He felt like he did something wrong, but he also felt like he deserved all the pain and fear. When it happened again, and again, and again, he started hating himself. The self-hate never left, even now, he still feels it. But he had managed to not think about it every day, until he saw Seamus again. That's when he became so small, insecure and scared again. He has been fighting it, but the truth is that it's tearing him apart. And he is keeping it all to himself.

When Ste comes back into the flat, Brendan is still sitting at the table, now just staring down at his hands, still fighting his tears, and the images flashing through his mind. Ste sits down next to him, and grabs his hands.

"I ran into Cheryl, she's looking after the kids."

"Why?" Brendan asks, not looking up.

"Because, Brendan, I think we need to talk."

"Do we?"

"Yeah, I think we do," Ste says, and Brendan looks up at him. He sees the loving look in his eyes, and he quickly looks away. "Are you breaking up with me?"  
"What? No," Brendan quickly answers, now looking at Ste again. "Steven, this has nothing to do with you."

"Is it because you miss your own kids?" Ste asks, but Brendan just shakes his head. "Please, just tell me what's wrong."

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"Because you'll hate me," Brendan says, and he looks back at the younger man. "If I tell you, you'll hate me, Steven."

"I won't, I promise. I can see that you're hurting, and I want to help you, but I can't. Not if you won't let me in," Ste says, and Brendan sees that he means it. But Brendan also meant what he said, he thinks Ste will hate him. And he cannot lose Ste, it would simply kill him. "Brendan, please…"

"I can't."

"Bren…"

"I can't!" Brendan says, quite loudly, and for just a second, Ste looks scared. "I'm sorry."  
"Fine," Ste says, and he lets go of Brendan's hand, and gets up and wants to leave the room.

"Steven?" Brendan asks, just before Ste is gone. Ste turns around, and he looks at Brendan, who is staring down at his hands, looking incredibly vulnerable right now. "My dad, he… he hurt me, back when I was a kid," Brendan says, and Ste can see how much it took of him to say that. So he sits back down, and grabs Brendan's hand again.

"He used to beat you, right?" he asks, and Brendan nods. A tear rolls down Brendan's face, and he quickly wipes it away. "Are you still scared of him, is that why you're upset?"

"I'm not scared of him," Brendan lies, and Ste nods. "But he hurt me, Steven."  
"I know," Ste says, and he looks confused. "He used to beat you up…," but then a look of understanding appears on Ste's face. "He didn't… oh my god…"

"Steven…"

"But you're his son!"

"Steven…"

"Please tell me he didn't," Ste says, and Brendan finally looks up at him, tears streaming down his face. Just by looking at the pain in his eyes, Ste knows that he isn't wrong. Tears appear in his own eyes, and he wraps his arms around Brendan, holding him as tight as he possibly can. Brendan clings onto him, and in a way he feels relieved, but he also feels even worse, because this wasn't all that is bothering him. He needs to tell Ste everything. "Brendan, I am so sorry."

"Steven, I…," Brendan starts, and Ste lets go of him, tears now rolling down his face. "I'm scared," Brendan admits, and that is a huge deal for him to admit.

"Of your dad? Are you scared he'll do it to you again?"

"I'd kill him," Brendan says, and he looks back down at his hands. "I'm not scared of him. I'm scared of myself."

"Why?"

"What if I'm like him?" Brendan asks, and Ste looks confused. "I have his blood inside of me, Steven," Brendan whispers, looking even more vulnerable and fragile right now.

"Look, you are nothing like him, Brendan. You would never hurt a kid."  
"What if I will?" Brendan asks, his voice breaking.

"You won't, he is a sick pervert, and you and him have nothing in common. You would never hurt your kids, or mine, and you would do anything to protect them, wouldn't you?" Ste asks, and Brendan nods. "You are nothing like him, I promise you. Leah and Lucas love you, and you're a great dad to them, so don't ever think you're like him."

"But what if I hurt them?"  
"You won't, and you know it, deep inside, don't you?" Ste asks, and Brendan looks at him, sobbing. "Deep inside you know that you're a good man, and a good dad. And I know that, otherwise I wouldn't have let you live with my kids, would I?"

"I guess," Brendan says, and Ste puts a hand on the side of Brendan's face.

"You're a good man, Brendan, and I love you," he says, and he gives Brendan a kiss. He then wraps his arms around the broken down man, and holds him until he has calmed down.

It's been almost an hour since Brendan has told Ste about what his father has done to him when he was a kid. They're now sitting on the sofa in the living room, drinking a cup of tea.

"Brendan?"

"Steven?"

"Can I ask you something?" Ste asks, and Brendan nods. He still looks vulnerable, but Ste also thinks he looks somewhat relieved. "What Seamus did, did it happen once, or…"

"Over and over again?" Brendan asks, and now Ste already knows the answer.

"Does Cheryl know?"

"She still thinks Seamus is the world's best dad."  
"She has to know," Ste says, and Brendan looks away. "What if she ever has kids, and lets him babysit them, eh?"

"Chez won't believe me."  
"She will, she knows you wouldn't lie about something like that. You have to tell her."

"I can't… it would only hurt her."

"So your dad never touched her?" Ste asks, and Brendan shakes his head. "Why just you?"

"Because I was weak, I was never man enough… He still calls me Brenda behind her back," Brendan admits, and Ste feels sick. He grabs Brendan's hand, and looks down at it.

"I think you are the strongest and bravest man I know, and I mean that. After everything you've been through, and from what you were, to who you are now… I think you're amazing, Brendan, and I wish I could make things better for you," Ste says, and he looks back up at Brendan, who is now slightly smiling.

"I love you, Steven," he says, and he puts his tea down, and starts kissing Ste. He pulls him closer, and grabs Ste's tea and puts it down as well. The kiss becomes even more intense, but then Brendan pulls away. Ste sees that he just cannot feel comfortable at the moment, and he fully understands. So he gives him a quick kiss, and gets up.

"How about we pick up the kids and take them to go see a movie?"

"I'd like that," Brendan says, and he flashes a smile and gets up as well. They both put on their coat, and leave the flat, to go to Cheryl's flat. But when they're almost there, they see Cheryl almost getting into a taxi with a friend.

"Chez?" Brendan yells. She looks at the two men coming up to her, and smiles.

"Oh, hey you two. Before you ask, the kids are safe inside, I left them with dad."  
"You did what?" Brendan asks, and without waiting for an answer, he runs towards Cheryl's flat, Ste and Cheryl following him. Cheryl keeps asking what's wrong, but the two men won't answer. Brendan has kicked the door in already when Ste and Cheryl catch up, and they all run up the stairs, where Leah is sitting in the hallway, crying.


	2. Chapter 2

"Sweetheart, where's your brother?" Brendan asks, and the little girl points at the bathroom, crying.

"Uncle Seamus said I couldn't go with them," Leah sobs, and Ste picks her up, and hugs her tight. Brendan opens the door, and he feels sick when he sees Lucas sitting in the bathtub, a naked Seamus getting ready to join him. For just a second, it's like someone has paused the world, because no one is moving. But then Brendan drags Seamus away from the bathtub, and pushes him against the wall. Ste grabs Lucas out of the bathtub, and brings the kids to Cheryl's bedroom and tells them to stay there. He turns the tv on, so they won't hear what's going on. He then joins the others. Brendan has let go of Seamus, and is now standing in between Cheryl and her dad. Cheryl is crying, asking what's going on, looking confused.

"I was just having a bath with the boy," Seamus says, and Ste feels sick, and wants to murder Seamus, but he tries to stay back, because he feels like this has got to be between the Brady's right now.

"No, you weren't," Brendan says, trying really hard to contain himself. He wants to kill Seamus right here and now, but he doesn't want to lose Cheryl and Ste.

"What are you talking about, Bren?"

"He was going to hurt Lucas."  
"No, I wasn't. This wasn't what it looked like, princess. It's just a bath…," Seamus says, and Brendan looks over to Ste, and all of the sudden he feels much stronger, as if he finally has got the power to go up against Seamus, to tell Cheryl the truth.

"He was going to touch him, weren't you, Seamus?" Brendan asks, and Seamus laughs.

"Of course not, I would never hurt a child."

"Brendan, stop accusing dad of something like that. What is wrong with you?" Cheryl asks, and Ste feels horrible for Brendan.

"You don't know what he's like, Cheryl," he says, and Cheryl now looks at him.

"And you do? He's our dad, Ste. I'm sorry, but this isn't any of your business. I know what it must've looked like, but my dad didn't mean any harm."  
"Chez, he…"  
"No, Bren, I don't want to hear it," Cheryl says, and in the meanwhile, Seamus has put some clothes on. "Come on dad, let's get you downstairs."

"He abused me, Chez," Brendan says, and it's like the world has been put on pause again. "When I was a kid, he abused me."

"No, I didn't," Seamus laughs. "Are you now trying to make some sick and fake excuse for you turning out like a little faggot?"

"Dad!" Cheryl says, and she looks confused, hurt and shocked at the same time. "You can't say that. But Bren, what are you talking about? Did he ever hit you?"

"I never touched him," Seamus lies, and Ste just wants to grab Brendan's hand and drag him away from here. But he knows that Brendan can't and won't run away from this.

"He did, Chez…," Brendan says, looking really small and breakable again. "He did…"  
"He's telling the truth, you know, Cheryl?" Ste asks.

"You're falling for his lies as well?" Seamus asks, "You shouldn't believe him, he's only making excuses."

"I'm not," Brendan says, sounding desperate. He is always such a strong person, and people are scared of him. He demands respect. But now he just looks like a scared and hurt little boy. "He touched me, Chez."

"He… what are you talking about, Brendan?" Cheryl asks. "Oh my god, you're not talking about him hitting you, are you? You're talking about…"

"He's lying!"

"I'm not, please, Chez," Brendan begs, tears in his eyes. By now Cheryl is crying even more, looking really confused, torn between believing her dad and her brother. "Why would I lie about that?"

"He's just trying to set you up against me, princess," Seamus says, and Cheryl looks at her brother, who is crying, looking so broken, that it hurts her.

"Daddy, please tell me the truth. Did you abuse our Brendan?" she then asks, and she looks back at Seamus.

"Of course not, I never touched him."

"He did, Chez," Brendan whispers, "He raped me," and there's a complete silence. He has actually used the r-word, which he never has before, not when it was about what his father did to him. Because he always knew that if he would say it out loud, it would be real, and it would hurt even more. Ste can see it in Brendan's eyes, and he goes up to him and grabs his hand. "He raped me again and again. Chez, please…"

"Daddy?" Cheryl asks, looking at her father, and Ste wraps his arms around Brendan, who is obviously completely breaking down right now.

"Princess…"

"I want you to leave, dad, and don't ever come back," Cheryl says, when she sees how broken Brendan truly is. It all starts making sense in her head right now, why her brother is the way he is, why he does the things he does.

"But Princess, he's lying."

"Dad, just go," Cheryl says, and Seamus sighs and nods. He grabs his watch, and starts making his way towards the door. But when he passes Brendan, he stops, and he leans over to his son, his mouth almost touching Brendan's ear.

"You were begging for it," he whispers, but Ste and Cheryl hear it as well. Brendan pushes Seamus against the wall, and starts to strangle him.

"You son of a bitch!" Brendan yells, his face turning just as red as his father's face, who is struggling to breathe.

"Bren, let go of him," Cheryl cries, and she grabs Brendan's arm, but Brendan won't move. Cheryl desperately looks at Ste, who hasn't moved since he heard Seamus say those words to Brendan. Ste sighs, and he goes up to Brendan.

"Please stop it," he says, "if you kill him, we're losing you. And we can't lose you. I can't lose you."

"Bren, please," Cheryl cries."

"You heard what he said," Brendan says, but he looks at his sister and Ste, who are both crying.

"I can't live without you, Brendan," Ste says, and when Brendan sees the looks in his eyes, he slightly nods. He looks at Seamus, and at the hands around his neck. The pathetic and horrible old man, who has hurt him so much, who has ruined his life. But he can't kill him. He can't do it to Cheryl and Ste. So he lets go of Seamus, who falls down to the ground.

"Go!" Brendan shouts at him, and Seamus laughs and manages to get back on his feet.

"I knew you'd be too weak, Brenda," he laughs, but Brendan just looks away, Cheryl and Ste both grabbing one of his hands. Seamus leaves the bathroom, and the flat, and no one says a word. Brendan pulls away from Ste and Cheryl, and storms out of the flat as well. But neither of them follows him. Ste and Cheryl just wrap their arms around each other, and try to comfort each other.

"Are you okay?" Ste eventually asks, and he lets go of Cheryl, who nods.

"You should go see if our Brendan is okay."

"You need to speak to him about what happened."

"Not now, I need some time," Cheryl says, and Ste nods and looks away. "You can leave the kids here if you want, so you can focus on Brendan. Don't worry, I won't let my dad anywhere near them again."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, just tell him I love him, and that I'll come see him tomorrow, yeah?" Cheryl asks, and Ste nods and gives her a big hug. He goes and tells the kids they'll be spending the night with auntie Cheryl, and quickly leaves. He goes to the flat, and finds Brendan sitting on the kitchen floor, his knees pulled up to his chest, his face in his hands, sobbing loudly. Ste sits down next to him, and wraps his arms around him, but he doesn't say a word.

"He said…," Brendan sobs, but he doesn't finish his sentence. "He…"

"Shht… he's gone now."

"He tried to hurt Lucas, because of me."

"But he didn't hurt him, did he? Because you stopped him," Ste says, and Brendan looks up at him. "Because you're nothing like him, Brendan. You've just proved that, haven't you?"

"I'm so sorry…"

"You haven't done anything wrong. I still love you, and so does Cheryl. She just told me, and she's coming over tomorrow to talk to you. I promised I wouldn't give up on you, ever, and I won't. I love you, and I mean that," Ste says, and he puts a hand on the side of Brendan's face. "And we'll get through this, together. I promise," he says, his voice breaking. Seeing so much love in Ste's eyes, means the world to Brendan, and he finally feels the love as well. Now that he has been honest with him, it's like he has broken a wall down, and it means he can now also let himself feel more.

"I love you so much, Steven," Brendan says, tears still running down his face. Ste smiles through his tears, and Brendan kisses him. For the first time in his life, Brendan feels like things will actually be okay.


	3. Chapter 3

When Brendan wakes up the next day, Ste is already up. Brendan can hear that he's busy in the kitchen, so he puts some clothes on, and goes to the kitchen.

"How are you?" Ste asks, and he comes over to him and gives him a kiss.

"I'm okay," Brendan says, and he actually means it. He gives Ste a big hug, and it feels really nice and comforting. He is nervous, because he'll have to talk to Cheryl about what happened to him when he was younger, and it terrifies him. Opening up to Ste was difficult enough already, but with Cheryl it's even worse, because she's his baby sister, and Seamus is also her father. "Just nervous," he admits, and they let go of each other.

"It'll be alright," Ste says, a sweet smile on his face, and Brendan can't help but smile. He feels lucky to have Ste in his life, especially after everything he has put him through. To have gotten a second, well, so many chances, he feels like he doesn't deserve it, but he's glad that Ste has given them to him. He doesn't know what he would've done without Ste in his life.

Cheryl is at the flat now, and she had brought the kids with her. Ste has taken them out for lunch, so Brendan and Cheryl could just talk for a little while. They're sitting at the kitchen table, but neither of them has said a word yet.

"I am so sorry, Brendan," Cheryl then whispers, and a tear rolls down her face. Brendan grabs his sister's hand, and looks straight at her.

"You have nothing to be sorry for, Chez."

"I should've seen it, you hated him so much… I…"

"You couldn't have known," Brendan says, and seeing his sister cry, breaks his heart. He can't help but feel guilty, and he looks down at her hand. "He was different when you were around."

"I need to ask you though."

"I know," Brendan says, and he knows exactly what his sister is talking about.

"What did he do to you?" she asks, and Brendan slightly nods, in that way he always does. He takes a deep breath, and he allows himself to remember every single thing that Seamus has ever done to him.

"He started to abuse me when I was just a kid," Brendan admits. "He came to my room, locked the door…," he tells, and he looks up at Cheryl, who is quietly sobbing. "And he raped me."

"How many times did it happen?" Cheryl asks, looking down at their hands.

"I stopped counting after fifty times," Brendan admits, and Cheryl breaks down, and puts a hand in front of her mouth, her whole body shaking. "Chez, I…"

"When did he stop?"

"When I left home," Brendan answers, and Cheryl shakes her head in disbelief. "I'm sorry, Chez."

"No, Bren, you did absolutely nothing wrong, love," Cheryl says, "What dad said yesterday, about you begging for it… what happened to you, what he did, none of it is your fault. You have got to believe that, Bren. You were just an innocent child…," she continues, and she breaks down again. "I haven't slept all night, I've just been thinking about it… Things make sense now."

"Chez…"

"No, just let me say this. I would give anything to make this better, but I can't. But I will be here for you, and I will help you. I never say it, but I'm proud that you're my brother, Brendan, and I love you," Cheryl sobs, and Brendan can't help but smile.

"I love you too, Chez," he says, and he wraps his arms around his baby sister. She's shaking, and he holds her until she has stopped shaking. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"For being you," Brendan says, a small smile on his face. Cheryl can't help but smile, and she gives him another hug.

It's been almost a month since Brendan opened up to Ste about the abuse, since he had to tell Cheryl, since Seamus left. Brendan and Ste are in the living room, making drawings, together with Leah and Lucas. When the doorbell rings, Ste gets up, and he goes to open the door. Cheryl is standing there, tears running down her face.

"What's wrong?" Ste asks, and he gives her a big hug.

"I need to talk to our Brendan," she sobs, and Ste leads her to the living room. Brendan looks up, and when he sees Cheryl standing there, crying, he quickly gets up to go give her a hug. "It's dad," she whispers.

"What happened?" Brendan asks, and he's terrified that Seamus is back.

"He's dead," Cheryl whispers, and Brendan lets go of her.

"Let's sit down, I'll go make a cup of tea," Ste says, and they go into the kitchen. Cheryl and Brendan sit down at the kitchen table, while Ste makes a cup of tea, and he then joins them.

"What happened?" Brendan repeats, and Cheryl sobs and shakes her head.

"He got arrested, for trying to bring a child into his house," Cheryl sobs, looking horrified. Brendan looks at Ste, who closes his eyes and shakes his head. "They murdered him, Bren."

"Aww, come here, Chez," Brendan whispers, and he wraps his arms around his sister. He knows that she hates Seamus for what he has done, but he still is her dad, and he understands why she is so upset.

"I hate myself," Cheryl sobs, and Brendan lets go of her, looking confused. "I'm actually glad he's gone, Bren. I'm glad he won't get to hurt anyone else anymore."

"Me too," Brendan admits, and Cheryl shakes her head, looking down.

"You shouldn't feel guilty for feeling like that, Cheryl. After what he did to Brendan, it's only normal you feel that way," Ste adds, and Cheryl nods.

"He's right, Chez," Brendan says, and Cheryl looks up at him and sighs.

"I know."

It's been three years since Seamus died. Three years since Brendan changed, for the better. He became more comfortable with himself, less scared, and he finally started dealing with the abuse. Things have only gotten better between him and Ste, and they're still very much in love. The relationship between him and Cheryl has also gotten much better, because he is finally honest with her. He has stopped doing the illegal things, he has stopped the violence, and he has stopped hurting the people he loves most. Brendan, Ste, Leah, Lucas and Cheryl are now on a trip to Dublin, just a couple of days away, all together. Ste thinks it's just a normal trip, but the others know better. They know what Brendan has planned.

It's dark outside, and Cheryl decided to stay in the hotel room with the kids, or at least that's what she told Ste. Brendan took Ste to Ha'penny Bridge, where all that time ago, they told 'I love you' to each other. So much has happened since then, and things have only gotten better.

"Do you remember that night?" Ste asks, and Brendan smiles.  
"Of course," he says, and he looks straight into Ste's eyes. "That's why I took you here tonight," he continues, and Ste can't help but smile. "When we first met, I… I fell for you right away," Brendan admits, and this is the first time he has actually admit that. Ste's smile grows, and Brendan feels a bit silly, but he still continues. "But I hurt you, Steven. I hurt you a lot, because I hated myself. I will never forgive myself for what I did to you."

"Well, I have forgiven you, because you have changed. That's what matters, isn't it?" Ste asks, and Brendan can't help but smile.

"I know that we had a rough start, but I am glad you've given me so many chances. And I'm glad you came to Dublin that night," he continues. "I don't know where I'd be without you, Steven. You have changed my life, you have changed me, you have changed everything. I love you, Steven."

"And I love you too." Ste smiles, and he wraps his arms around Brendan's neck, and gives him a kiss. But when he lets go of him, he sees Cheryl, Leah and Lucas coming up to them. He looks a bit confused, but then he sees the smile on Brendan's face, and he realises that this is planned. "What are you up to?"

"I love you, Steven," Brendan repeats once Cheryl and the kids have joined them. "Will you marry me?" he asks, and Ste's mouth actually falls open. Leah holds up a box with two rings in it, and Lucas holds up a single rose. Cheryl of course is holding a bottle of champagne.

"Of course I'll marry you." Ste grins, and he pretty much jumps into Brendan's arms. They share a long kiss, and then let go of each other. They both get a ring out of the box, and put it on, and Lucas hands Ste the rose.

"Oh, I'm so happy for you." Cheryl smiles, and she gives them a big hug. They then all share a big group hug, and then Cheryl holds up the champagne. "So who wants to celebrate?"

That night, when Brendan and Ste are in bed, Brendan with an arm around Ste, Ste with his head on Brendan's chest, Brendan just can't help but smile.

"So did you ever think, that when you hired me, you'd end up marrying me?" Ste asks, and Brendan laughs, and Ste looks up at him.  
"No, never. But I'm glad we are here. I meant what I said, Steven, you changed everything."

"Well, you changed my life too, you know? Before you, I was just living my life, with Amy, I fancied women… Maybe not really, but…," Ste says, and Brendan can't help but laugh. "I can't wait to live the rest of my life with you. I love you so much, Brendan," Ste says, and they share a kiss.

"I can't wait either. I love you , Steven."

Thank you for reading 'I'll Stand By You' =)


End file.
